if i could be less emotional back then

In 2012, I landed on my second job in Singapore. I worked as a Human Resources Executive at first, then as a trainer after two years. In 2017, I decided that it's time for me to leave. Before I quit the job, I actually told the company that I would be still working part-time for them, but something happened that I was so upset I decided I didn't want anything to do with the company anymore. I was a different person back then, believe it or not. I was very stubborn and emotional. To think back, it was a very small matter but it hurt my pride so much I was so overwhelmed that I didn't think twice when I threw the resignation letter. 

It's been two years since I left the company but I am still friends with a few people from there and we still talk and share things. About a week ago it was the company's 10 anniversary and they treated their current employees (full-time and part-time) a staycation at a five-star hotel at Sentosa Island. My close friend shared photos and videos to me and I could see that they had so much fun! I mean, staycation at a five-star hotel with buffet dinner and games on a beach? Who wouldn't want that?

But then, here comes a pang of jealousy inside of me. I couldn't stop wondering what if back then I hadn't been so emotional over a small matter? I probably would still be working there and could join and have fun with them. Instead, I was stuck in another company where they didn't even have a birthday celebration! If I hadn't been so emotional or immature, would everything be different for me? As I looked back, I realised that almost all my problems were caused by myself, my emotional self. I couldn't let go of things and be more open and forgiven back then. I kept holding on to the pain because it felt like I have won the battle when I could get out of that company and they couldn't stop me. I feel so silly now just to think of it, if I had known better...

Along the way I kinda burnt the bridge that it's not possible for me to go back to that company and I actually don't intend to, it's just sometimes I have this pang of regret every time I think about all the good times I had there. But I learnt my lesson. During that 10 month hiatus, I reflected on many things and learnt a lot with YF's help. I guess when you step back and stop for a while, you see things more clearly and think from a different perspective. I am grateful that I could afford to do that because of YF's support. So, yeah... everything happens for a reason and I hope to continue improving myself to be a better person, for YF and my daughter in the future and of course for myself.

PS: Seven weeks to go to finally meet baby potato!


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