it wasn't just luck

I've always wanted to publish my own fiction book. I still remember my first short story being published in a local children magazine. Somehow I keep holding on to that moment to convince myself that I can write, it wasn't just luck.

I love reading fictions. I read a lot of short stories and tried to write my own short stories and showed them to my classmates. One day, I tried to send another short story to a teen magazine, but it was returned with a rejection letter. It was at that moment I almost believed that first time was just luck. I kinda stopped writing since and was busy with school and stuff. I started to write again during my study at uni, but all those stories never found their endings. I was attending a workshop in uni where they taught you how to write fictions. The speaker gave us an assignment to write a story for children and the next day we were supposed to exchange our stories with each other in a group. I thought I could nail it, but it turned out most of the member in the group said my story was too sad or inappropriate for children. It crushed me. It continued to lower my self-confidence.

Before I wrote this post, I revisited two stories I wrote a long time ago and still haven't got the willpower to continue writing them. I don't understand but I just don't feel like to continue. Sometimes I question myself if I really like writing. I keep convincing myself I like to write and keep setting timeline to finish my stories. Honestly, it's getting tiring and making my give up hope.

YF tried to help me to find ways to discover what I want to do or if writing is something I really want to do. I read more non-fictions to find out the problems and ways to solve them. I refuse to believe that it was just luck; I know I can write, I just need to find a way to stay focused and write every day. I'm thinking of starting a bullet journal and hopefully it helps. We'll see.


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