celeste: this is your story

Dear Celeste,

You won’t be a baby anymore by the time you can read this, but remember this, you will always be my baby. So, here is a quick recap of your birth. 

You were born on 29 August 2019; it was Thursday morning at 08.18 AM, at KKH. On Wednesday, exactly 37 weeks pregnant, I went for my routine checkup. Dr Daniel Koh (my ob-gyn) estimated your weight was about 3.2 kgs, and after examining my cervix which was already dilated about 4 cm, he suggested me to be admitted to the hospital since I was "ready to give birth". I could go home and wait, though, but I would probably have to come back in one or two days. To think of all the troubles we had to go through, like suddenly waking up in the middle of the night, getting ready and stuff (like in those movies when the woman screams, "My water just broke!"), we decided to speed things up. So I was admitted on that day. My mind went blank as I sat alone waiting for the nurse to bring me to the delivery suite. This is happening, I thought, baby potato is coming!

Around 04.30 PM, I already changed into the hospital gown. A nurse came in and set things up. She put in an IV (thank God it didn’t hurt) but when she tried to draw blood, she couldn’t locate my veins two times (I almost cried when she tried to draw the blood from my wrist), luckily Dr Koh came and successfully did it. After that, a doctor came for the epidural injection. The process was quite fast and by the time I lie down, I couldn’t feel my legs anymore. Your father finally came with the hospital bag. We looked at each other as if saying “It’s happening!”

Around 8 PM, a doctor came in and broke my water. He told me to rest and every few hours a doctor would check on me. Around midnight, I had a few painful contractions, so a doctor came to increase the epidural dosage because I couldn’t stand the pain. A few moment after that, my hands were shaking uncontrollably and I vomited. At around 5 AM, a doctor came in to check my dilation and it was already 10 cm, I was ready to push. Here’s the funny thing: I didn’t know how to push. I watched some videos on Youtube on how to breathe during labour but I didn’t understand how to push you out. Two nurses came in and tried to teach me how to push. “It's like when you are pushing your stool out,” they said. I was like... okay, but how? I was so confused I almost cried, so scared that I wasn’t able to push you out. After a few attempts to push, I was already exhausted and by that time your heartbeat was irregular. Dr Koh finally came and after examining my condition and yours, he told me he had to use the vacuum to help with the delivery. After signing a letter of consent, it finally began.

It was chaotic because I was half crying since I didn’t know how to breathe and push properly, your father was beside me the whole time comforting and supporting me and the nurses kept saying, “Push... push... push...” but I didn’t push hard enough. A female doctor (I think her name was Serena) knelt on the bed and with her both hands pushed my tummy very hard it was so painful I couldn’t bear. She kept pressing and pushing my tummy, I cried and almost gave up, then Dr Koh yelled at me, “Don’t cry and push! Breathe and push!” (not sure if he yelled these, but I'm pretty sure he yelled at me a lot) and with that last push, you came out with a very loud cry. We finally had some skin-to-skin time. You had stopped crying and were so calm when I held you. I was so happy to finally meet you! 

Welcome to the world, my daughter. You are our precious. Grow healthy and strong. Papa and I will always love you.